i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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