my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
