Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize