You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
as a side note pls kill me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize