after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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