It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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