You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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