I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
