yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
