I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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