we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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