he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
