Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
