just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
