: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize