its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
