If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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