I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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