Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
