You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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