Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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