i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
