Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just threw up on my dentist
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
