I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
