You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
