I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
