so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
