i'm signing you up for texting rehab
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
