Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
