Moan for me like Helen Keller
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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