Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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