Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am midnight drunk by noon
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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