Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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