I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
