i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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