And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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