I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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