I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
