My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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