He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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