I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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