I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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