I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
