I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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