She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
