Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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