Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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