this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize