So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
