Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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