when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
