And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
