I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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