Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
