Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
