Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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