Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize