walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize