I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
