You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
