woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
