note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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