she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
