I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
