i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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