Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
