So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
