Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
