i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
