what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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