My liver just broke up with me...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
