It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
