I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
