well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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