You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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