i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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