Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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