After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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