I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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