Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
