A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
