I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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