Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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