now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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