His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
