ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize