Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
