the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
