we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
