Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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