it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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