This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
