I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
